nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
