hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
