my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
