i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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