when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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