He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
