i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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