we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
