Whod you bang
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
