Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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