My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
