I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
