Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
40s are totally the cure
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
