I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Actions speak louder than pants.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
