I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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