Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your penis caused this!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
