I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
