Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
