so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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