I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
