I need to stop coming to work sober
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
