I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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