Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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