just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
