I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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