Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
