Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
