I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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