So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
