i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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