but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
