Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
