Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
sex in a hospital.. check
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
