I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
