So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And then he peed in my hair
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