I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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