So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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