I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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