i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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