I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
