but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
