i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
