I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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