My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
