come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
