Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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