Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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