he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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