I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
this will be a night to untag.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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