He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
