woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
