There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
