I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
