So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
