We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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