I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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