My Higher Power is John Stamos
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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