I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
