May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
