Pappa wants mamma naked
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
