Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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