Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
