I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This baby is an asshole
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
