Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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