he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
