so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
