pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
