I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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