Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
