sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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