Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
