I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize