Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
