Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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