if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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