My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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