Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize