you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
