Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
