you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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