im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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