Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
