I'm gonna have a badass scar
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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