5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
