Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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