okay pat passed out under dana's car
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
