dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
