Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize