are you so shy because you have an std?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
