You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
