My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
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