The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Terrible idea I love it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
