she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
