I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
