Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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