Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
