She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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