Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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