Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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