THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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