i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
