This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
