I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If I die, sorry about rent.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
