i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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