When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I want to be your penis for a week.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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