My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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