Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
